


Cold, Dark & Numb (But No Match Against the Sun)

by RageHappyAH



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coldness, Dark Thoughts, Darkness, Depressing Thoughts, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Multi, Numbness, OT6, Other, Sad, Self-Harm, self hate, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 16:18:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4355885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RageHappyAH/pseuds/RageHappyAH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray's mind is overwhelmed in darkness, leaving him cold and numb in its wake.</p><p>But when his five lovers find out, they use their warmth to bring back color to Ray's mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold, Dark & Numb (But No Match Against the Sun)

When the group of six men started dating, everything was happy and bright, like a beautiful summer day.

It had been that way for a while, all smiles and blushes, fluttering hearts and happy thoughts.

 

Ray was unused to it, to say the least.

 

He had spent the majority of his life drowning himself in video games, cowering away from his mind and the torturous things it withheld.  
Everything in his head was dark and depressing, willing him to snap at any moment.

But when he moved to Austin, Texas, in pursuit of his dream job as an Achievement Hunter, colors began to trickle into his mind and soon laughter and happiness fought against his dark thoughts.

His boyfriends made him happy, and he was grateful for that.

 

But then after a while, the darkness found him again. 

 

Ray would be sitting somewhere alone, when his mind would start torturing him. Like a flood, the darkness would drown out any bright and happy thoughts, covering them with new, more depressing thoughts.   
He'd sit and think for hours, no choice but to let the darkness consume him as he stared blankly ahead.

 

_**You're pathetic.  
What a loser.  
Look at you, you're disgusting.  
How could they ever love you?  
They just pity you.  
They only let you join because they felt bad.  
They hate you.  
You never do anything right.  
You just sit and wallow in your self pity.  
Pathetic.** _

 

It would go on for days, only being pushed to the back of his mind when he found a distraction.   
But the thoughts would fight for his attention too, interrupting him when he tried to speak, or when others spoke to him.

His boyfriends could see the change in him, and it just made him hide it even more.

Ray didn't want their pity. He didn't want to worry them even more. 

So he quit.

 

When he left, it only got worse for him.

He still lived in the same house as the rest of his boyfriends, but they were gone during the day, leaving him to his thoughts. 

 

Ryan had once come home early from work, around noon. He found Ray curled up on his side by the couch, sobbing quietly.  
He held him for almost an hour, calmingly stroking his hair and whispering reassuring words. It helped for the time being, but Ray was so embarrassed and ashamed at being caught that it just fueled his mind even more.

 

When Geoff found the razors in Ray's drawer, he broke. If it weren't for the sheer terror and shame freezing him in place, he probably would have ran.  
But instead he sat stock still on the couch, staring at the shiny metal object that had become his friend as Geoff threw it on the table and started talking in hysterics.

Ray hadn't registered that he was crying, or that the rest of his boyfriends had also gathered around with tears in their eyes.  
He felt more numb than ever, sitting there, eyes leaking and staring down at the razor blade. He could hardly hear the hysterical, cracking voice of Geoff pleading for answers. When Jack laid his palm on his arm, it was numb, as Ray had lost all feeling.

The only thing he could feel was the flaring pain in his hip where his cuts burned, angry and hot.

He couldn't move. He couldn't think. It was like he had finally broken his mind, leaving him useless and numb. 

He didn't answer when Geoff cried, or when Michael yelled. He couldn't respond when Gavin whimpered, or when Ryan and Jack pleaded. 

He just sat. Numb. Cold. Emotionless.

 

Hours later Ray found himself curled up under the covers of their shared bed, wrapped in a pair of arms. Geoff was behind him, curled up against his back, tattooed arms circled around his waist. Ryan lay in front of him, delicate fingers stroking his hair and face. Gavin was wedged between Ryan and Ray's torsos, hand tangled in the fabric of Ray's shirt. Michael was in a similar position, only pressed between his back and Geoff instead. Jack lay on the other side of Geoff, curled up with an arm spread across all three waists. His other arm was extended above their heads, hand playing with the back of Ray's dark hair while Ryan messed with the front. 

It was an overwhelming ball of heat surrounding Ray, seeping into the coldness he had felt before. The numbness had slowly drained from his body as he laid there, warmth and reassurance taking over him.

 

Everything seemed a little bit brighter in his lovers' arms. Their whispers and words of love blocked out the darkness in his head, leaving him content and unwilling to move from his spot. 

 

Because even though his dark mind was clouded over and haunting, it was impossible for it to win against his five bright, colorful suns.


End file.
